Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
