The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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