Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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