Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
