Umm I'm too high to move.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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