I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
