I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
