I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
