i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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