you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
