is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
