This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
