I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
