Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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