Kiss
Puke
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
