im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We need to get me chipped asap
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
