Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
