Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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