Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
