Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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