My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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