So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
