I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
