My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize