Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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