McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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