She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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