Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
