just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
