Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
