I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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