I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
