Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
