I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
