i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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