so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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