The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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