I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
