Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
