**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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