I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sarcasm needs its own font
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
