And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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