It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
