dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
