every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
