I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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