I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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