is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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