two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
