put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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