I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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