Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
