This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
